We both screw people for money.

While watching a movie titled Picture Perfect starring Jennifer Aniston, Jay Mohr, and Kevin Bacon (a movie which should have been straight to tv, but actually was in theaters) I couldn't help but feel like the plot was recycled. After consulting a movie buff friend of mine, I tried to get down to the nitty gritty on movies in which either the male or female pays someone to date them (or should I say pretend to date them).


What do all of these have in common...a few main themes that when put together equal true love.

Exhibit A: Pretty woman. I'm sure there was an older movie that did something similar to this, but as far as blockbusters and movies that my generation is familiar with this is the ultimate pay to play dating movie. And who doesn't love it? Richard Gere landed top-billing and top hooker of Hollwood BLVD. —Julia Roberts! who by the way not only teaches love lessons but also schools Gere (Edward) on how to drive his Lotus. Plus she never forgets to floss! What a classy babe rocking "the boots" or all dressed for a night out at the opera she certainly entertains the best of both worlds...for a price. Obviously we all know the story; Gere pays Roberts $3,000 (which by the way was the working title for the film) to be his lady for the week for various business ordeals and ultimately falls for her.

What is wrong with this idea in general? Well first of all it's giving hookers a lot of false hope. Unless getting "the clap" is a long time fantasy of yours, I don't think the hooker lifestyle is as ideal as Roberts makes it. In the movie Kit (Robert's hooker pal) compares her to Cinderella, who last time I checked wasn't a hooker, and other that than couldn't think of an occasion where love like hers actually happened. Me neither. But it certainly works in movies. And has caused me to rethink the idea myself.

Exhibit B: How to lose a guy in 10 days. While this case is slightly different it still has the same outcome. Here we see both parties involved, Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson using each other as date bait to achieve success in the workplace. While Ben Barry (McConaughey) takes the majority of the abuse, he's got love on the mind for all the wrong reasons. Yet, que sera, sera a round of drinks, some off-key "you're so vain" (with a cameo by Marvin Hamlisch), some silent treatment, and a grand chase scene later our movie ends quite similarly to Pretty Woman; that great final kiss where all is forgiven and love is realized.

Exhibit C: The Wedding Date. The main focus of this movie is Debra Messing trying to make her old flame jealous at her sister's wedding. Kat (Messing) hires the escort-of-all-escorts, basically an advertising/non-street walking Julia Roberts in male form to pretend to be in love with her. Despite trying to use him to help her own self-worth she really gets "shat on" in this movie by her Ex, when she discovers he was secretly sleeping with her sister (Amy Adams). Not only that but Dermot Mulroney (her escort) knew and didn't tell her! Betrayal by the hired help! It's okay once again though, do not fear for the ending of this movie. Mulroney chases after her, tells her off, almost leaves, then comes back (don't even tell me you have to ask what for)...for the kiss of course! True love for a price...but so worth it.

Our lesson: Lying and using someone with or for money is the way to the heart.
I give them all five out of seven deadly sin stars! (Lust, Greed, Wrath, Envy, and Pride.) But if you could convince me how to add Sloth and Gluttony I'd be more than happy to alter my rating.

Peace. Love. And Happiness ever after!
(note to editor: please sub war. hate. sadness.)

Adios lovers!